Make friends with imposter syndrome
How to make friends with ‘imposter syndrome’
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is that voice in your head that says ‘I am a fraud’ or ‘I don’t deserve to be here’. It’s that internal self-doubt about your abilities or competence. That belief that you don’t really deserve the reputation you have or the achievements you have enjoyed. You believe ‘that was a fluke’ or you ‘just got lucky’. You worry that this time the wool will be pulled from the world’s eyes and people will ‘find out’ you are not as good as people think you are. It often comes up when we do something new — like apply for a job, start a more senior role or in academic pursuits.
Imposter syndrome can be very self-limiting. It can keep us stuck and prevent us from being the person we want to be. It can stop us from taking up opportunities as we avoid the things that scare us. It can make us overprepare and overwork which prevents us from being present and can lead to burnout.
Who experiences it?
You may be reassured to know that you are not the only person who feels this way — it is extremely common. It has been said that 70% of people experience imposter thoughts and feelings, and the 30% who say they don’t are lying! Even people we would never imagine would suffer from self-doubt experience imposter syndrome.
Why do we have it?
We have a hardwired ‘negativity bias’ inherited from our cave-dwelling ancestors who needed to be cautious, self-protective and on the lookout for threats in order to survive. This means we tend to respond more strongly to negative events and dwell on them more than positive ones. Our minds are like Velcro for negatives and Teflon for positives!
Also, in this hyperconnected and highly-curated world of social media, it is hard not to compare ourselves to others, and to those who are the best in the world. This can exacerbate our feelings of not being the ‘real deal’ or not being ‘good enough’.
Reframing imposter syndrome…
The good news is that there is another, more positive way to think about imposter syndrome. You can regard imposter syndrome as your shadow that will follow you around and may never be shaken no matter how hard you try. So rather than try to fight it or make it go away, you can make friends with it.
You can recognise that feeling out of your comfort zone when you do something new is not just normal, but beneficial — because without the inevitable discomfort, there is no growth and no change. We should expect that something that stretches and challenges us will make us feel uncomfortable.
Rather than trying to get rid of that discomfort, it is more helpful to notice the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, allow them to be there without identifying with them and still commit to moving towards what is important to you. You can accept that it’s ok to feel like an imposter and still choose to act in a way that is driven by your values, purpose and goals rather than by how you feel.
It is more helpful to adopt a growth mindset when we do something new, make mistakes or experience setbacks — we can welcome these situations as opportunities to learn and get better. We can keep moving towards more challenges as our level of confidence and competence increases. This can be a wonderful growth cycle if you embrace it.
Strategies to cope with feelings of being an imposter
Know what your mind is doing — notice your self-limiting self-talk.
A helpful metaphor is to see yourself as the driver of a bus. As you turn on the engine and start to move in the direction of something that is important to you, notice what the passengers behind you are saying. Some will be encouraging, some will simply provide a neutral running commentary. Others will be urging you to be cautious, to stay comfortably in your lane. And still others will be rude and critical, questioning if you even have a licence, pointing out the hazards along the way, and the catastrophe that awaits you if you take that right turn. Don’t let these passengers allow you to take your eyes off the road or make you stop the bus!
Recognise those thoughts for what they are — just thoughts, not the truth. Let yourself ‘have the thoughts’ rather than them ‘have you’.
Give your mind a playful nickname — for example, you can call the catastrophising thoughts ‘Head of Drama’ or say ‘Oh, the Impostertron strikes again!’ or call the imposter voice ‘Patrice’ or ‘Roger’. This helps separate you from your thoughts and gives you some perspective.
Consider what you would say to a close friend in your position —and see if you can extend the same kindness, compassion, respect and advice to yourself.
Recognise that no one starts a new job, more senior role or studies knowing everything or at the top of their game — everyone has to learn as they grow into the new situation, even the person who was previously in the role.
Ask yourself how helpful the thought [‘I am a fake/I’m not up to the task’/’Who am I kidding?’] is for what you are trying to do or for what is important to you. Does it enable or undermine what you would like to achieve?
Pay attention to when you have been successful or received good feedback to get some balance between your subjective belief and what others objectively say about you or the actual outcome. Create a ‘fact file’ of compliments, positive feedback, strengths, contributions and successes that you can look at to counter the one negative experience that makes you feel bad!
Look properly at the evidence — ask ‘Is that a fact or a feeling?’
Recognise that perfection or knowing all the answers is an impossible and costly pursuit and that there is no one ‘right way’ to do things in a complex and uncertain world.
Recognise that there is a time for honest reflection about your current level of skills and competence — and be proactive about obtaining those skills and experience.
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
Some of these tips come from People Soup Podcast, Ross McIntosh, 6 Aug 2019 Imposter syndrome with Maddy Scott, Season 3 Episode 3 and This Working Life Podcast, ABC Radio, 28 June 2021, Who do you think you are? Reframing imposter syndrome to power, not cripple, your career.